The Musical Madness of Eurovision

….this annual extravaganza requires a Public Health Warning….

(Taking a moment out of my blogging about my POC, oxygen and asthma to fill you in on last night!)

Well, what can I say about the Eurovision Song Contest?……IMAO…..

25 Nations across Europe and other countries thrown in who we Europeans don’t actually consider to be a part of Europe, for that, and possibly the only major Nations missing be the USA, Australia and Canada!

Several pulled out due to economic hardships. Praise the Lord, I hear you say!

We were thriled to come last but upset we didn’t actually get ‘Nil Points’

A disappointingly large number of ‘good’ songs that I could still sing now!

The statutory ‘pitch invasion’ early on which gave Spain a second chance of performing at the end!

A miserable number of weirdos. Where were the singing monsters and transvestite drag groups this year?

Where were the dancing Kosaks in a Norwegian song (the singer of which turned out to be a Russian)-Oh sorry, that one won it last year and probably went down as the best winer ever in my book!

We usually have a few dancing Grannies and OAPs but all Euro could muster up this year was the oldeset perfomer ever on stage playing a Bedoin Oboe! So, no fire eaters, knife throwers and the like!

The German winner (yes, German-hello political voters, erm, aren’t Germany rather big in the Euro market atm?) had released her single and it had already gone Platinum. Ok, so like, How? It was pants and so was she-and at the end she appeared rather ‘high’ on more than ventolin inhalers, I suspect. Nice American accent, for the record, was that the American contribution to the Euro Song contest, LOL!

People liked the Danish song. My Mother-in-Law voted for it.

We voted for Iceland-I liked the song and yes, long live the volcano that has caused us so much crap recently!

But even our new Tory voters couldn’t get the UK any further up the leader board than Bottom! Perhaps it is because we have made such a point of avoiding Europe. There is rather obviously this body of water between us and the mainland. We are not essentially therefore ‘connected’. Oh dear, how sad, never mind!

The single most hilarious effort of the evening for me was the Israeli entry. The only thing missing from it was a bucket for the poor bloke singing in unpronounceable Hebrew (which requires and inamorous amount of glottal stopping) to spit his phlegm into. Oh dear. Next year try the english translation!

I had a great deal of difficulty in not laughing myself into an attack and we had to keep switching over to let my lungs and heart rate recover.

There could have been 5 or so winners. So the seemingly one horse race of the Germans was even more bizarre-they’d obviously been practising with their beach towels.

If you’re interested-you could find the songs on You Tube. Have a listen to Iceland, Ireland, Armenia, Denmark, and Azerbaijan.

And check out the French entry, Terrible and a bit overly porno. Oh dear, will the French ever learn!

I suggest you ignore the UK entry. Can’t even remember the title-although the bloke was sweet enough-like a young, skinny version of my baby brother. Didn’t help him one bit though!

….Ah, Eurovision. Can’t wait til next year now!….

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13 Responses to The Musical Madness of Eurovision

  1. Howard says:

    Turkey and Belgium both had good songs by real acts.
    The German girl Lena was singing in a mockney-cockney
    accent NOT an American one.

  2. Thank you for your input, Howard-I am glad you managed to work out what Lena was actually singing about, we couldn’t decipher it. Her speaking accent was that typical pseudo phonetic American that a lot of European countries are taught.

    I love the way they all speak English better than the English. Hilarious!

  3. Elisheva says:

    Okayyyyy…. Where do I start?

    First off, as Howard said, Lena’s accent was far from American. I personally thought it sounded Australian. I could be wrong, but it def wasn’t American or British.

    Spain was ridiculous.

    I loved Alexander Rybak last year. He was such a cutie!

    Okay, Sus. I love you and all, but I MUST defend Israel on this one. I do admit that Harel’s song kind of sucked. By sucked I mean was slow and boring and he stuck too many sylables where they weren’t supposed to go. It’s unfortunate. He’s a great singer and he has many much better songs. I don’t understand why that one was chosen.

    HOWEVER – “The only thing missing from it was a bucket for the poor bloke singing in unpronounceable Hebrew (which requires and inamorous amount of glottal stopping) to spit his phlegm into.” Excuse me?? It’s not unpronounceable! I speak that language every day! And personally, I think it sounds nicer and more normal than English does. It’s all a matter of what you’re used to.

    “Oh dear. Next year try the english translation!” No! No! No! No! Uchhh… English speakers! The world was not invented so that people could learn English and speak to you! Even tho that’s how it seems sometimes. The beauty of Eurovision is that each country gets a chance to show off its culture and music to the other countries. In recent years, everyone’s started singing in English and tried to sound as American as possible. These people have no national pride. If you can’t tell which country a song is from, I’d say that’s a failure on the country’s part. If you’re singing in English and you’re not an English speaking country, where’s your national pride? Israel’s never not had their song at least partially in Hebrew. Israel also doesn’t have half naked women shaking themselves in the background. I’d say that even if we suck (which we do sometimes, altho we tend to almost always beat the UK ;)), we suck with pride in who we are.

    On that note, I gotta point out how much Cyprus sucks, hiring a Welsh guy to sing for them. Does Cyprus have none of its own singers? I think the girl from Cyprus did pretty well last year. Do they have no self respect? Cyprus, you should be ashamed of yourself (even tho I liked your song).

    • Travelfreely says:

      I must coincide with you about how the event was a missed opportunity to celebrate diversity in Europe. Instead we had an event seeking to compete by using the lowest common denominator with voting system totally influenced by antiquated political ties. Cyprus did not fare well at all, yet another opportunity lost to push for local creativity and authenticity. Your comments are spot on, but we do have some self respect left to publicly demand a definitive shift of strategy.

  4. Howard says:

    I already explained that Lena’s accent was mockney-cockney.

    As for Israel and it receiving votes from Russia, Romania, Bulgaria, Armenia and Georgia etc and the votes they receive from Israel. In one of the strangest group voting packs. Every year there is mutual cycle between those immigrants in Israel and those countries. Funny that isn’t it there seems to be nothing but love between those countries and Israel and their diaspora groups inside Israel.

    Seems to me now those nations are improving in their conditions with all that love those groups in Israel could go back and enjoy that love.

    Leaving the houses and land available for all those Palestinian families from whom it was all stolen in the first place.

    But of course most of those people were neber in any
    danger before they arrived in Israel. It was a major]
    push by the Israeli government to pack the country
    with people from Slavic and central Eurasian lands
    as a mechanism to push the native Palestinian population further and further into an ever smaller and smaller and ever more and more unbearable corner
    of their native land under the Zionist Apartheid regime.

    Yes the Israeli singer sang in Hebrew but it was still nothing more than a Celine Dion TITANIC type
    headache ballad. How does that represent in any way the culture of Israel-Palestine ?

    • Elisheva says:

      Thanks Howard. I’m not going to dignify that with a response out of respect for Sus’ blog, because I’m sure she didn’t have it in mind to get into a political/historical/moral/whathaveyou fight when she posted.

      I apologize, Susannah, for apparently starting a war on your post. Feel free to delete any and all comments you see fit…

  5. kerri says:

    As a North American I may be missing the boat, but I thought this was all kinda about celebration of the diversity of Europe and the surrounding area through music. Isn’t this just mostly for fun? I know it’s a competition, but why all the seriousness?

    Everybody should just be happy for everybody that all of Europe (and etc.) got together for a few days to celebrate music and they got to share whatever talents the participating countries were eager to present this year. Winning isn’t everything, and everybody can’t win all the time. All that means is that ya gotta keep trying :-).
    And, you know, have some more Eurovision fun next year! I know all the way from Canada I’ve been enjoying the tweets (and tweeted criticism of certain acts ;-).)

  6. I have total respect for anybody who wished to post any comment whatsoever on my blog.
    I am simply spouting my enjoyment at Eurovision as a musician. Please remember that.

    The thing I love about the competition is that apart from the always so biased voting which really can never truly be neutral, we all seem to be able to laugh at each other and more importantly, at ourselves.

    So many of the songs from an entirely musical point of view were actually really good numbers this year which made it even more baffling for me that one of the ones I personally thought was pretty useless, won!

    The UK was diabolical and we deserved to come last, again, IMAO!

    Lighten up, it’s all in good fun. Roll on next year’s extravaganza!

    And hey, national pride is important, but we UKers never really feel it in the ESC, save it for our football team-or maybe not-let’s take a rain check on that til the World Cup!

  7. Becca says:

    Azerbaijan are my favourite every year! My dad worked there for years and it was such an “unknown” country (used to get so many blank looks when I said where we were going on holiday!) that I automatically want them to do well!

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